I can have my own dreams...

So I wasn't going to post tonight because I didn't think I would have anything to say. But then it hit me that maybe posting about this nagging feeling from my thoughts would make me feel better and I would sleep peacefully.

To begin with I have never made the "choices" (this is in quotations because I think that everyone is who they are and we don't chose who we are we just become that person. This could be in reference to everything in life, like things we are attracted to whether it is different activities, music, books, etc; sexual orientation, dreams, or aspirations. We are simply deep down in our core an individual and we may be influenced by nature but we are overall ourselves. Now I will say that there are times in life where major "nature" events in our lives that can shift a person far from them self, but I think that it is still possibly for that person to find their true self (but it may not always happen) (You may or may not agree with this and your own philosophy is your own. I do respect that not all of us believe or have the same assumptions about life)) that were expected of me. To begin with, I'm a lesbian and its something I have always known since I was a young child, and this is something that I fought time and time again with my parents over it was a shock that they were not ready to deal with and took time to deal with. This shock pushed me far from the path that I thought I would take as a kid in high school. I had always thought and figured right after high school I would go to college like everyone else and her I was telling my parents (who were possible still having issues with something I told them after my first year of high school) that I wasn't going to college, in fact i was thinking about moving 800 miles away to continue on with really a nothing career (no offense to the Publix people, I don't think it is a nothing career. I just said that to make a point). Then after attempting to go to college while working at the nothing career I failed because I couldn't find the balance, so what did I do? I told the people around me that I was joining the Army! That would solve everything of course and I would have money for college. Which being in the military did lead me to meet Laura and I am grateful for that, I have never been one to stick to something and I always changed my mind a lot. I think that by doing this people have always treated me like a kid since kids( and supposedly only kids) cannot make up their mind. Well we know that this is wrong and adults can be like too and I think that it mostly comes from those of us who are searching for our true passions. Which really leads me to the point of the above ranting. When I told a lot people close to me I wanted to garden and that I have found my true passion of life (gardening/farming) I was met with, 'oh you don't want to do that', 'that's to hard of work', 'you don't know how to do any of that', etc.. Well here is what I have to say......I am entitled to my dreams! Do not try and tell me what to do or what I want to do. I am an adult and if things get hard and I fail at whatever I am doing, I will know that I tried my hardest doing what makes me happy and failed not because I didn't try but because I need to change my game plan. Also one may ask how do you know that this is truly what you want to do? Here is my answer....in my heart when I get to thinking about gardening or my future small farm I have burning inside of me that is so intense that it is to hard to quell with even planning. I have read more books that I would like to admit on the subjects (I am also sure the public library would like me to stop checking out 20+ books at a time and stop asking them to order books) and I have surfed the web for hours. I am signing up and have taken class and I am doing everything I can to learn about and partake in my passions and even then I want more. So if I am making a wrong choice I don't know if it would even be possible for me to be more passionate about a desire a dream.

On a whole other subject I realized that I had comments blocked which is kind of sad because every now and again it wouldn't be to bad to have a bit of feedback. With this in mind, I thought that I would pose a question to anyone who may want to answer it.....If you could have a small farm anywhere, where would it be? You don't have to include why but if you want to that would be cool. The reason I ask is Laura and I have set up a five year plan and in that five year plan we hope to be out of Iowa and are looking to move anywhere that Laura can get a job. Anyways I hear a good book and my bed calling my name so until later, goodnight.

P.S. - Sorry for the crazy rant up above I was feeling kind of mad tonight, but if you are wondering i do feel much better now.