Gone....

I know I have been gone for quite some time. Life seems to come at you fast though sometimes. I have been quite busy in dealing with taking care of Penny (my rabbit). She had several abscesses grow on her neck and its been a battle trying to take care of them. The sad truth of the whole matter is Penny herself might be gone soon. If you do not know much about rabbits or the abscesses they can get let me tell you they are pains, hard to treat, expensive to treat, and not always does it work out. So far every time we thought we had one dealt with another one springs up and the vet doesn't seem to think it looks good, abscesses long term wear down the immune system and can slowly kill them that way. We may have to put her down on Tuesday. Just the daily care is too much for her to handle and we have been having problems with blood pressure rising, causing her eyes to bulge among other problems. We could opt for expensive treatments but I'm not sure if the stress long term would be good for her and many of these treatments do not always help. I know that right now she is at home resting, eating lots of good vegetables, and I'm giving her as much love as she will let me. I have been in a state of denial and sadness and sometimes making the right choices for a pet are harder then you plan. I would like to add that we have not come to the decision to put her down we are taking things into consideration so please do not scold me for choosing to do it if that becomes the choice. I have been struggling daily with the options and I am sad beyond words at the moment, but whatever choice I make will be the best for her and to keep her from suffering. 

On another note my garden is doing well. Hopefully as things maybe calm down here I can post some pictures.     

Baby oh baby....

Well since it seems super hard anymore to keep up with everyone Laura and I decided that a small website would be best for baby information such as; baby shower, registry, ultrasound photos, etc. Anyways here's the link http://christinaandlaurababy.ourbabychannel.com

Words......(not gardening related)

Sometimes I say the wrong thing. I know that we all do it sometimes, but it really sucks when it happens. I was talking to a good friend who I am pretty sure that I upset and I was not trying to. I got the Facebook version of hanging up, a disconnect. It seems that life is so rough and unfair at times. She is a great person, expecting a baby, and yet life seems to be giving her the finger. I wish I could help, but it seems that I may have only made things worse. I also wish she lived closer because it's kind of hard being a good friend when you live 9 hours away.

Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much as I do. It's my curse you see. Only those closest to me sees this, as they are the only ones who see me deal with the emotional pain of caring too much. I want to save everyone and make life better for them, but I cannot. I am only one person. I know some may wonder how you can care too much, but my friends or my friends friends pain keeps me up at night. I cry for those who are hurting and I do what I can to try and fix it.

I also carry the curse of remembering all the bad memories like a picture. Even to this day I can I remember clearly the day, the hour, the minute my grandmother passed away, and it haunts me. I know it may be silly to say but my greatest fear is death, not only mine but those close to me. I know as I age those in my family age too and I'm not ready to lose some of my older family members, but I know that I cannot expect them to live forever. Sometimes I hate the fact that we lived so far from my dad's side of the family. I feel like I did not get the time with them that I would have liked and I was too young to remember some of the memories of the times we did spend together.

I guess that all of these thoughts are just flooding my mind because Laura and I will be having our first baby in four months and I want Nicholas to meet the amazing family I have, but I worry that he will not be of the age to really remember them. Its just hard to travel between everyone and live life. Then when I think about Nicholas I further wonder about the baby I plan to carry in a few years, who will this baby remember? It's not that I plan on anyone passing away, but you just never know. It happens. It's life, and it's the part that scares me more than anything else.

No matter what haunts me or my fears I know that I cannot let them bring me down. I will live the life I want and I will teach my children, to be happy and live. I will try to give them as much time with all of their family as I humanly can. I will also have my future hobby farm and will try to introduce them to a little bit more of a simple life. I won't keep them away from technology or the advancements of the world but in my life missing on the simple things haunt me more that a technological device that I did not have. To achieve happiness in my life I know will come from following my dreams and helping those around especially my children to do the same.

Ok I know that this was a long winded passage but sometimes I need to dump. It happens and I never try to stop it; so read, scan, or don't whatever you choose does not hurt me.

The uncovering...

So yesterday I needed to uncover my boxes and check on water and the plants in general. Everything was looking great! I was able to take a ton of photos and that is what this post will mostly be, photos and captions.

A view of collards, radishes, and some beans. 

A close up of my collards.

One of my jalapeno's that I planted yesterday. 

My Broccoli plant

My beautiful Banana Pepper!

My spaghetti squash

Remember box 1? Well this is it!

My radishes. I did eat one but they are still a bit small, but it was tasty!

Garbanzo bean plant

My pumpkin plant that just popped out of the ground. 

Arugula

One of the cucumber plants

A beautiful bantam sweet corn plant!

I am happy that I have not lost any of my plants yet. I would love if it continues this way but I know that it is very likely. This is the end to my update on my garden so if you are here for this only then the rest will have nothing to do with any of this.





So we found out the sex of the baby and as of now it is looking very boy like. We are excited, and we are hoping that the tests on the baby come back good (of course we have no reason to believe that they won't come back good but you never know) and we will be even more excited. I cannot wait till the end of the semester because I have grown very bored. I actually hate going to school right now. My religion major is just too easy for me and I can make good grades without even being there. Not only is the course work easy but I thought being in a small community (department of Religion) that I would be able to bond and make friends with those that study the same as me. Yet, I should have realized that my lifestyle does not match with my major. Most of the people I have met so far talk about becoming a pastor, preacher, etc.. and a lot of them seem very close minded. I cannot tell you how many I have heard speaking out against many things liberal including homosexuals. Of course not everyone in the department are like this, it seems to mostly be an undergrad thing and again not all of them. Of course there is nothing wrong with becoming a pastor, preacher, etc. and I know that I have a bad taste in my mouth from living in the South for many years. I know that there are liberal religious leaders out there and I know that maybe someday I will meet one when and if I put myself out there. I also know that most of my complaining lately is stemming from a depression which I cannot seem to shake. I tried the whole medicine thing and it made me not myself and I am not always the keenest about putting chemicals into my body. I think that my mind's biggest thing is the fact I feel like I have no friends. Yes I know that I have some very important people out there in the world that care about me and I also know that I do have a few close and true friends, yet I feel like I have no one here, here in Iowa. It really is a hard thing to talk about and every time I bring it up it seems like I have offended the person I am telling (which is why I am glad that I have a blog so I can spit it all out and process) who always replies but you have friends, I'm your friend etc. I just wish I had a close friend in the area that I could tell everything to and not be judged when I'm having a bad day and say something crazy, but that's a thought for another day I suppose.  

Frost, Baby, and Home...

     So we had a frost warning for tonight. I suppose this is nature's way of telling me that I should have not planted early, but I'm a wishful thinker and did it anyways. But I'm not stupid and knew I needed to take precautions so I have turned my raised beds into mini greenhouses for the time being (I'll try to get some pictures tomorrow). We are supposed to have some cooler temperature for the next couples weeks so I am expecting some loses. However, I have no problem with replanting if this is the case and will take it wholeheartedly.

     On Friday we will find out the sex of the baby hopefully. The closer it gets and the more this baby is becoming a real person (and I mean this simply by the fact it is becoming more visible and about to have a name to me. This is in no way a statement about my beliefs on the whole baby, abortion, birth control, etc argument) I begin to worry about being a parent. I'm not worried that I am going to hurt the baby or that I cannot take care of the baby, I'm just worried but I cannot place it at the same time.

       In three days we will have been in the house for a year and I feel like it has been nothing but one big project. I talked with Laura and I hope she can follow through on this, she just loves to do projects. I just feel a disconnect with our home. I feel like we haven't actually moved in; we still have boxes packed, we have no real dining table, we are just people in a home and not a family in a home. Before the baby is born I am really hoping that we can have it at least set up and have a table and actually "live" in our home. Being more stable will help us with our baby and I know that it will help me focus more in school.

I know that this posting is a little further from he garden and the thoughts of the future farm, but these are the things that I have been thinking about since my last post and even longer.